Shinobi Shorts
by Aki Vos
Summary: A collection of funny shorts following a variety of Naruto characters. Most of them will be comedy.
1. Taken Out of Context

It was a rather nice sensation, flying that is. There was just one problem: Naruto couldn't fly. He was hit with a fist full o' chakra from his teammate. Obviously Sakura didn't find his joke about boobs impressive or appropriate in anyway and responded accordingly. As he dove through the wild blue he eventually looked up with his one good eye and saw something unique. Soaring right above him was a small red bird that was looking down at him. Naruto thought this was cool, the bird thought: 'Aw shit, there goes the sky.'

Naruto smiled at it and watched slowly as the bird began to rise. However, his point of view was off. The bird was watching slowly as he fell to the ground. The bird quickly dove left and continued on its path as he went crashing through a tiled roof. Naruto landed shoulder first which than propelled his head against a wall eventually stopping him.

He tried to lift his head but one eye blacked and the head injury, through the smoke of the room he assumed he was going to be eaten by a giant monsters slowly stalking towards him. As the monster came closer he noticed some thing round and partially covered. Two some things actually. Naruto was starring at a pair of boobs, close and personal. He immediately fell unconscious with a stupid smile on his face and a brand new nose bleed.

------

The young Hyuuga was aware something had just crashed into her bath house. Quickly thinking, she put a towel on her head and lowered herself into the water to eye level until she could make out that it was not an immediate threat. Rather she saw the orange and black of the outfit and lifted her head out of the water questioning him quietly.

Not receiving an answer, Hinata wrapped a towel around herself and exited the bath. She walked over slowly, and nervously, and knelt down besides him asking if he was okay. Before he could finish the sentence Naruto got a nose bleed and quickly passed out. "Uh, Naruto!"

Hinata tried to shake him awake but he was coming about. After a second Neji burst throught he door and looked down at the scene than back at Hinata. "What's he doing in here?"

"He came crashing through the roof, Neji. I think he's hurt pretty badly." Hinata said a bit worried. Neji sighed an picked him up off the floor. "Go get dressed, I'll put him in a spare room."

------

Naruto awoke in a small room on a bed mat, the sunshine coming through the windows above his head. He groaned and sat up to look around, at the time he saw her and she made eye contact. "Are you alright, Naruto?"

"Uh, yea…" He said rubbing his head. Naruto finally realized where he was. "How'd I get here?"

"Well, after Sakura… We had to bring you someplace to do it." Hinata said thinking of healing. However Naruto completely overlooked that. "Sakura helped after a while since I'm not as good as she is. Her hands are a lot more skilled. I'm afraid she was a little rough. At one point she decided to break your nose…

"There was a lot of it coming out and I thought you were going to die, but luckily Neji helped."

"Neji helped?!" Naruto said going on freaked out.

"Yea, he's actually very good with it, he just doesn't like to talk about it." Hinata said and watched as Naruto blushed deeply and jumped out the window. Hinata scratched her head and watched as Neji came in the room with new bandages in his arms. "He just got really red and left."

"Left? What did you say to him?" Neji asked looking down at her.

Hinata shrugged. She quickly repeated everything she said and saw Neji's face. He was smiling a little trying to bit his lip to keep composure. He took two steps out of the room and closed the door silently behind him. After a second Neji broke down laughing hunched over on the floor.

------

Naruto landed on the stone walked way out of town questioning himself. He took a couple steps towards the bench and fell over in pain. Naruto quickly grabbed his leg where he felt warm blood begin to seep out.

"You idiot, what are you doing up walking around already? You're going to tear… You already tore your stitches…" Sakura said walking up behind him and promptly hitting him upside the head to add more injury to injury. She shoved him down and quickly rolled up his pant leg healing him. "Didn't Hinata tell you that you were badly injured?"

"Um… So that's what she must have been going on about…" Naruto laughed as Sakura kept working. She than pulled out a needle and thread and began to stitch him up. He gritted his teeth and soon adapted to the pain. "Hey Sakura, what to hear something funny?"

"Is it going to get you punched in the face again?" She said not looking up from her work.

"Hopefully not… They way Hinata described everything made it sound like the two of you slept with me." Naruto laughed and Saukra looked at him not knowing how to respond. "Than she added that Neji helped and I beat it out of there. Funny huh?"

"You're an idiot." Sakura said and than began walking. Naruto called after her asking where she was going. "I'm going to go tell Sai, you stay there and heal."

"Tell Sai?! But he can't keep his mouth shut! Sakura!"

------

"Wait, what?" Hinata asked quietly tilting her head. Neji had stopped laughing uncontrollably to tell her what she had said to him. "So he thinks that we and Sakura and you…"

"Hinata… She fainted again." Neji sighed and dragged his unconscious cousin on the bed and walked out to find the pink haired Kunochi who had started it all walking towards them. "Naruto's gone."

"I know, he broke his stitches back open." She complained walking towards him. "He thinks that… You told her what he took her words as?"

"Yea…" Both began laughing.


	2. Too Early

**11:57 AM**

The sparkling sunlight streamed in the wooden room making the small specks of dust shimmer as they passed by. The entire room was lit, except beneath a large, heavy green blanket made of cotton. The contents under it consisted of one sleeping mat, one pillow, and one Nara. With the time closing in on noon Shikaku walked in the room and grunted at his son while scratching at his ponytail. "Hey, Shikamaru, its time to get up. Your mom's complaining."

"Um… no." Shikamaru said groggily. The blanket twisting with him was an obvious statement. Shikamaru quickly fell back asleep leaving Shikaku to sigh and leave the room.

**1:25 PM**

Ino was let into Shikamaru's room to wake him up, however her anger kicked in before she actually attempted. "Shika get up! It's one-thirty! We're supposed to help Sakura at the Hokage's building!"

In response, and with a bit of fun, Shikamaru's hands came out in the form of tiger and a large shadow burst out grabbing her and forcing her to walk out. "This isn't funny Shikamaru! Hey!"

Shika than used her to shut the door pulling the shadow and his hand back under the blanket.

**2:43 PM**

"Nara you were supposed to help!" Sakura yelled bursting into the room with Ino on her heels. Stopping, she place her hands on her hips and waited for a retort. "Well!"

There was a still silence and than two shadows quickly flew out from the blanket forcing both out the door. "Shika!"

**4:36 PM**

Chouji kneeled down and poked the figure beneth the blanket questionably. "Hey, Shika, I was going to go get an early dinner want to come."

"Um…. No…" Shikamaru muttered again and rolled over lifting the blanket up a bit, "Do me a favor, tell Ino that I died."

Shikamaru lowered the blanket and fell back fast asleep. Chouji nodded and than shrugged thinking the idea wouldn't be a bad one for escaping the blond.

**6:15 PM**

"He's been asleep all day… I doubt…" Shikakau warned as Temari burst into his room and kicked the pallet with force. Shikamaru lifted the blanket and sighed sitting up. "Yeah, you have to wake up for me."

"I could send out a clone, but you'd be back here after you would have taken him out." Shikamaru got up and stretched. "More planning… troublesome."

"Hey you're the one who said let's do it over dinner so at least you're getting fed."

"YOU TOLD HIM TO TELL ME…. You're up? Oh…" Ino said looking at Temari who was standing there arms crossed. They immediately began giving each other glares. "You wake up for her?"

"I know how to wake teenage boys up, I have two as brothers. Have you ever waken up a 16-year-old kage? It's hard."

Temari turned to shikamaru asking if her was ready to go. "So you two…"

"Move, we have village business." Temari said shoving Ino out of her path. The sand Nin grabbed Shikaru's collar and dragged him away.

"You two are going on a date aren't you?" Ino said picking. She was quickly hit was a very large fan knocking her out of one of Shikamaru's windows. Slapping his palm to his face, Shikamaru moaned. "It's too early for crazy women problem…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Temari."


	3. Not One Word

"Hey Kakashi." Iruka said walking into the Konoha Laundry Mat with a large blue knapsack hoisted over his right shoulder. Iruka had run out of clothes earlier and was forced to wear a plain blue tee shirt and some jeans that were barely fitting (due to the fact he hadn't been in them since he was a teenager). Kakashi however was sitting on top of a washer watching the clothes spinning. "Shouldn't you be reading?"

"Finished the book last night. I tried to read some comic books Naruto gave me, but the main character is so annoying." Kakashi said and yawned watching the blues and greens just spin in a circle. A few seconds later he quickly leaned foreword avoiding what would have been a crushing foot to the face from Gai. "Mornin' Gai."

Gai crashed into a rack filled with different books for sale and looked back at them smiling. "Once again, my rival, you have bested me."

"I guess it's laundry day." Azuma said walking in behind Gai with an old gym bag. He set his bag down and began shifting through it. "Hey, Kakashi, where's your book."

"I finished it last night." Kakashi muttered. Iruka went simpler than them all and just poured the bag into the washer and started it. He took a seat next to Kakashi and watched the load spin. "You'd think we could get a ninja laundry service or something. I hate doing laundry…"

"Ditto… Hey Gai…" Iruka said turning his head examining the green jumpsuits he was tossing in. "Can I ask you a question… Where's you're underwear at?"

"Underwear…? I don't ware underwear, it inhibits movement!" Gai said striking a pose. The other three shinobi immediately looked away cringing. Kakashi immediately slapped Iruka upset the head muttering 'never ask him anything.' "Hey Azuma, what's that?"

"What?" Azuma said grabbing the zipper of his bag. Gai rushed abruptly over and grabbed something that seemed highly out of place. Grabbing it by a strap, Gai pulled out a red bra and held it up. "Hey…!"

"Oh, you got a girlfriend, Azuma." Iruka asked smiling. "Who is she…"

"That's none of your business. Gai, surrender it!" Azuma said trying to grab it. Gai jumped out of the way and held the undergarment up by the door. "Gai I'm warning… Oh shit."

"You have two seconds to drop that or I will break you in half." Kurenai said darkly from behind him pulling a kunai. Gai turned around, saw her crushing gaze and quickly dropped her bra on the floor. "Leave."

"Sorry… I …. Sorry." Gai said and quickly ran out forgetting his laundry. Kurenai walked over tossing her bra in the wash with Azuma's clothes and pointed two fingers at Kakashi and Iruka. "Not one word on this, not one."

Both nodded silently. The wash in front of Kakashi went off and he got up and slowly transferred the clothes to a large dryer and sat back down, waiting. "Hey Kakashi, why do you have fourteen pairs of the suits?"

"Huh?" Kakashi thought looking at Iruka. "Half of them at Tenzo's. We made an agreement that I would do laundry if he trained with Sakura today. I hate laundry but it's better than training with her."

AT THE TRAINING GROUNDS

"Hold still!" Sakura yelled wailing down on Tenzo with Tsunade's power. He got hit in the side of the face and went flying through the woods. 'Why do I feel I got the short end of the stick?' "Come back here!"


End file.
